I can’t remember the first time I’d heard about autism. I know it was years before being a parent was even a notion and I know I didn’t pay it much attention or give it much thought.
Then I met Mike
Mike has a daughter, AJ, from a previous relationship and I knew upon first meeting her that she was different. She’s diagnosed ADHD but I knew that not all of her quirks could be explained by ADHD alone. When AJ started living with us part-time, eventually moving in full-time, I started looking into mental health diagnostic procedures for her and came across autism again. Wanting to keep up with the lingo and explanations the doctors and school representatives would give, I did cursory research (thank you, internet) on several terms that frequent mental health searches. It was later determined that AJ’s autism assessment was inconclusive, although she does have marked cognitive and learning deficits. With that being done and nothing left to do but wait for another assessment from a development specialist in Winnipeg, I didn’t give autism much more thought.
Until my son, Daniel, was born.
Mike and I had always acknowledged the possibility that since AJ had mental ‘quirks,’ we could probably expect any future children to have a quirk or two of their own.
As Daniel grew (and boy did he ever), I started noticing he wasn’t reaching certain milestones in regards to his speech development. I wasn’t really worried about it because I knew all children develop differently and boys are known to develop verbal skills a little ‘slower’ than girls do. He started speech therapy at about 18 months.
As the sessions went along, I would talk to the speech language pathologist about other quirks in Daniel’s behaviour: minimal eye contact, hand and head flapping, etc. I didn’t want to psyche myself out about it but I knew it wasn’t all ‘atypical.’ Daniel was referred to the Children’s Development Clinic. I was told there was about a 6 month wait before Daniel would be seen and I forgot all about my concerns in that time, being so caught up in life as it happened.
Wednesday, April 27th, 2017.
That was the day autism officially paraded into my life.
It was like knowing I was going to fall, but not expecting to get the wind knocked out of me too. The moments following Daniel’s diagnosis are a bit blurry at times, while others are fairly clear; their sharpness leaving a permanent mark on my life and being.
Now I spend a lot of time thinking about autism. I think about what it means for Daniel as he grows up and the challenges he’ll have to overcome. I think about how it has changed our daily routine to accommodate multiple therapy sessions and continuous assessments. I think about the upcoming maze that is the school system and how we’re going to get through it. I think about how much I love watching my kids together. I think about how much I can’t wait to hear new words come from my little Bandit in his ‘autism accent.’ I think about how scared I am. About how frustrated I get when I look at the provincial initiatives, services, and therapies as a whole that are available (or unavailable) to everyone dealing with autism. I think about how exhausting it is having all of this to deal with now. Then I marvel and dance and whoop whenever I see Daniel reach a new milestone and AJ learn a new life skill.
Yeah, I think about autism a lot.